I would like to state for the record, again
that I don’t really know what I am doing.
When I read my blog posts in third person,
I feel like I sound like a know it all.
I try to read my blog through the eyes of a stranger and imagine what that person would be thinking as they're reading what I've written. Obviously my anxiety tells me that people probably find it annoying. My anxiety also tells me people hate me just for existing. I can't trust that asshole.
I know I'm changing because I don't let that way of thinking stop me anymore.
I might hesitate, and I might question myself relentlessly, but I trudge forward.
Some of the things that come out of my mouth these days,
are the type of things I would've rolled my eyes at in the past.
If I sound a little self-helpy at times, It’s because I’ve literally lost count of all the self help books I have read in the effort to "fix myself". I'm pretty sure the librarians have figured out that I'm on a soul search.
Pardon me as I try to cement it in my brain and pass it on, in a easy to digest and google searchable manner.
If I could go back and tell 20 year old me a piece of advice, I’d say:
"Stop rolling your eyes at the world and start listening. Stop carrying hate around like a shield. You’re not too cool for compassion and love."
You know what is cool? Someone humble AF. Someone who carries so much love inside that it radiates out of them, making others feel loved too, just by being in their presence.
That’s what I aspire to be like.
Stop hatin on yourself.